Today marks 4 weeks since our beautiful 2nd rainbow girl made her entrance into the world via VBA3C.
Today is also the first day of April which is cesarean awareness month, so when a friend reached out, asking me to share my success story I thought the timing was just perfect, so here it is..
I always wanted a natural delivery, but when my water broke at 34 weeks following a car accident with my first baby, I “had to be” induced and 48 hours later I ended up in a c-section. My little Brian Hunter, although healthy spent 3 weeks in the NICU. 8 Months later, I became pregnant again and sought out a specific doctor Who was known for being VBAC supportive and became hopeful that I would get my wish. Sadly at 20 weeks gestation, we found out during our anatomy scan that our baby girl had a major defect that would likely cost her her life. I was asked if I wanted to terminate the pregnancy. We chose not to and gave our baby girl the best chance we could.
With that said my dreams of a VBAC were out the window as the doctors were recommending a cesarean for her sake. My goal of a natural delivery was no longer a priority, all that mattered was this baby’s well being. Abbey Faith was born at 34 weeks gestation via C-section and lived 10 days in the NICU of the children’s hospital.
Later that year I became pregnant again with another little girl. My rainbow girl, Libby Joy. I dreamt of having a natural delivery and tried speaking to my doctors about it but they were not supportive at all. The risks they so strongly mentioned (although very rare) were not something I was able to take lightly because of what I had just experienced. The thought of even having a healthy baby girl seemed unreachable to me so anytime a doctor mentioned a risk to my child or myself I felt personally threatened by it and so afraid so I followed the recommendations of the doctors against my instinct and opted for an elective C-section with tears in my eyes and much heartache.
This all took place in 2020 in the middle of COVID, We were all a bit divided, afraid, and isolated. Soon after she was born, I was very saddened. I felt like I had done something I didn’t want to do and I felt that with 3 C-sections behind me now I would never have a chance at vaginal delivery. Even worse I feared I wouldn’t be able to have anymore babies as doctors at this point had started mentioning “tube tying”. Although I was happy with my beautiful little family, I was so wounded over my birth experiences.
Some women have C-sections and never look back. I envied the mothers who had delivered naturally- why not me? I also envied the moms around me that had delivered via C-section and were at peace with it. Why not me?
Why was I so wounded and hurt about mine? I really grieved the loss of my natural deliveries. I blamed myself for each of them. I found things I “should have done differently” and beat myself up tremendously.
Anytime childbirth was mentioned it was a very touchy topic for me. I was very happy to have my beautiful rainbow baby, I adored her and my firstborn and their father but I felt such pain and loss over not having had the natural delivery I imagined. I remember the night my sister-in-law, who had waited years to conceive, finally had her baby. When I was told she had the baby naturally, rather than being happy for her I broke down in tears. I wanted to be happy for her but instead, I was so deeply saddened and envious. I wanted a big family and I wanted to have my babies the way we are meant to. And here I was with 3 CS under my belt and 2 babies at home and a lot of heartache.
Because my Ob group at the time was not supportive of a VBAC nor were they very supportive of a 4th C-section, there were moments where I felt trapped because I knew I wanted at least one more child, but felt like I had no safe option.
My dreams of a big family felt crushed. Through this journey, I had also built up resentment towards obstetric medicine in this country. I myself am an RN and I come from a family of doctors and nurses so this was all very conflicting for me. I felt that I had been misinformed and mislead and was not only hurt but also resentful and angry. (Resentment and anger that I am happy to say I no longer have).
Soon I began doing all the research and reading about the facts, the pros and cons of a VBA3C. I became obsessed with having a VBAC one day in the future, and I knew I would but I still had a lot of fear and things to work through. I tried my best to put the fear aside, I did all the soul-searching I could do. I reached out to so many people. I read all about the topic. I read success story after success story and made many connections.
Fast forward 2 1/2 years later- I became pregnant again. At this point, I had done all the research I could do and had nothing left to learn – other than the hardest part which is letting go and letting God. Having Faith.
I just needed to have faith and start putting in the work to get where I wanted to be. The stars above sent me a wonderful Doula -Dolly Debbie Sokolow, who is like family to us now. She referred me to the most incredible doctor (who I learned to trust and grew to love).
The only doctor in my area who would support me in my journey. I had to jump through many hoops and wait months and change insurance in order to see him. I did what I had to do to make sure I had a team of support around me. I knew I was going to need support. I knew even my own family, a family of medical providers were all intimidated and a bit afraid of my plan, so I only spoke to people who I knew believed in my plan.
I took a Hypnobirthing class with the amazing Dr. Keeler, who was also a big source of support for me. I remember being afraid to tell people my Plan, because of fear that they would judge me or think it was crazy. I remember when Vivian looked at me and I could see that she was supportive and excited for me to succeed. The L&D nurses I feared would not support me during labor also were supportive and cheering me on. I had been so afraid and I was wrong. Those few people that were standing strong in my corner, made all the difference for me, my husband‘s faith and love and support was also essential in all this. He never once doubted me and always brought me back when my mind went too far.
On March 4 I got my dream. My baby girl did indeed “March forth”.
I delivered a perfectly healthy, beautiful baby girl vaginally. After three C-sections.. Daisy Love is here weighing in at 8 pounds 1 ounce and our hearts are full.
With two young kids at home and a newborn baby (and an American bulldog🤣) I have not had much time to sit back and reflect on this victory and this blessing so I’m grateful that today I took a moment to relive and share my story and hopefully help anyone who may be in my old shoes. This has been such a journey for myself and my husband- and we are so grateful for this beautiful accomplishment and for those who helped us.
We did it and you can too!!
